My first time as an adult understanding the word kindness in an adult partnership/marriage relationship. I am talking about a kindness and awareness to choose, we all have normal caring ways of people and nature and my respect of the material environment on some level some being naturally more caring than others.
Now the kindness I am now wanting to bring to the fore of your heart and mind, which I’m sure many have already made activate and use on a daily routine, so to the rest of us I would say “to choose CONCIOUSL “to bring a more loving kindness to oneself and to our lover's life to help both, experience the most sweetest taste of true raw love you can in this short challenging life. So to make this work in a blog I’ll explain short and to the point.
I have to explain my husband, Lee as he was the one to bring our conscious, the word kindness to an actual conversation. let me first explain the man I first met, I’ll do this briefly, as we know when describing a loved one it could go on forever …….. first site he is a tall, very physically strong and he has, you know the blue eyes that sparkle that make you want to get lost in, the classic when he smiles he gets those naughty dimples in both cheeks, and he loves to laugh especially at his own dad jokes which I hate to admit makes him even more attractive, a definite handsome man and whatever he touches he is exceptional at, a real perfectionist. Strong-willed, overprotective and well let’s leave it at that for now as there will be many more blogs.
So we have this guy and then you have me and when we first met I was extremely independent and did not need anyone I can do it all, and I’m sure to the most of my world I had them bluffed too. I looked after myself to the best of my know-how and worked hard and invested in my own future and fun times.
So boy meets girl (longer version for anther blog) this guy remember I said strong-willed, well so strong-willed he asked me out for two years, I stayed away as I thought he was a playboy and felt too old for that type of hassle.
Finally, I decide to go out with him, (and if you’re interested in those crazy details you will have to read the book I know this is more than just my life, it does describe a big chunk of couples with our background and we probably attract each other because of similar desires and passionate needs.
At this point I’m letting you know again, we are both strong-willed and both with child abused backgrounds, we are reactive people, protecting our selves with every bit of fight we had in ourselves, a lot of the time protecting our selves from a past that wasn’t even with us anymore. Both of us, on the outside, looking confident yet absolutely screaming internal, at this point not knowing the words to describe to each other our empty lonely hearts wanting to be someone’s number one love, to feel safe and to believe we were good enough.
Quick version, we’d fight for our boundaries, argue and yes fight pretty messy for too long,
Changing point my husband openly and exhausted, says, and this was the breaker for us “we had childhoods that we could not control we can choose to be kind to each other especially when the other is reacting poorly, and help each other through poor reactive behavior, he said at the end of the day no one is going nowhere even when we argue, so let’s be kind to each other and have a love and togetherness like no other".
Yes this is common sense, but to speak the words and have a loving and kind agreement to look after each other when one is reacting with insecurities, when love is there this will work you will take turns at doing this for each other, some days or weeks one does it more than the other, till one day you still do argue or debate life then you realise it's in a kinder heart.
Being this for each other makes more gratitude and feeling love which makes you want to give more.
Be conscious make the plan.
Let’s stay strong.
Grow together and remember.
Kind is a big word